July 30, 1958: Just awoke from a dream. Had to write it down. Was in an office much like my own, but some years in the future, with the addition of several large, unfamiliar machines. I worked with the machines as if I was already familiar with them. The largest was a roughly rectangular apparatus the size of a large stove. The top hinged open, and under it was glass. I placed a document on the glass, pressed a button, and an exact copy of the document came out of a slot on the machine’s side. Another machine sat on top of a desk, the size and shape of a large book. It too had a glass plate under a hinged opening, upon which I placed a sheet of paper, then pressed some buttons. But it didn’t issue a second copy of the paper. I don’t know what it did. The final apparatus had a slot in its top for inserting a document. I somehow knew, as one does in dreams, that an exact copy of the document would then emerge somewhere miles (or even thousands of miles) away.

Suddenly, everything around me shimmered and spun, and I felt myself thrown even further into the future, without moving from my spot in the office. Now the three large machines were gone, replaced by one. I went to it as if it was an old friend. A name popped into my head, unbidden: the HP Officejet Pro L7680 Color All-in-One Printer, Fax, Scanner, Copier. It performed all the same tasks I had carried out on the other machines. Then President Eisenhower appeared, wearing only a loincloth, and hoisting a platter of deep-fried, unidentified cuts of meat. “God made a mistake,” Ike said to me. “Eat the mistake. Eat the mistake.” I turned without thinking and there were my parents, only they were naked and they had tape over their mouths. I could see their thoughts and I knew we were all connected, like an the Ethernet network. I turned back to the president and took his meat in my mouth. I woke up with the first bite.

Must remember to ask Dr. Hewlett what this all means.

Warranty: 1 Year HP

Features:

• Professional quality color, 12ppm black and 10 ppm color in laser quality
• 35 ppm black and 34 ppm color maximum print speed
• Replaceable print heads
• 8.5×14 inch maximum scan size at 2400×4800 dpi
• Reduce or enlarge documents from 25% to 400% from their original size
• Stores up to 125 faxed in memory, even when powered off
• 2.4 inch color display
• Built in Ethernet networking
• Memory card compatibility
• 250 sheet paper tray, 50 sheet automatic document feeder, and automatic two-sided printing
• Scan and store directly to memory devices or network folders with Direct Digital Filing

Specifications:

In the box:

• HP Officejet Pro L7680
• Power Cable
• Ethernet Cable
• Phone Cable
• Duplexer
• Bezel
• Yellow 9ml C9388A Ink Cartridge
• Magenta 9ml C9387A Ink Cartridge
• Cyan 9ml C9386A Ink Cartridge
• Black 20.5ml C9385S Ink Cartridge
• Black/Yellow Print Head C9381A
• Magenta/Cyan Print Head C9382A
• Installation CD

CLICK

” – how many times I gotta tell you cops, I ain’t seen nothing. I was in the back with my Magnavox 37” LCD 720p HDTV the whole time, using that built-in HDTV tuner. And even if I knew who fired the shots, I wouldn’t tell you jack, get me?”

“We were afraid you might say that, Runty. Guess we’ll have to do this the hard way. Boys, call Featherfingers in here. If Runty won’t give us what we need willingly, we’ll have to tickle it out -”

CLICK

” – M-A-G, N-A-V, O-X TV for you and me!”

“Great, kids! Now let’s sing it again! And again! And again!”

“M-A-G, N-A-V, O-X TV for you – ”

CLICK

” – I ain’t that baby’s Daddy, Jerry!”

“You a lie! How you gonna come up here on TV and lie like that?”

“For one thing, I was in the joint for stealing that Magnavox 37” LCD 720p HDTV! And anyway, I’m actually a woman!”

“OOOOH, DAG! WOOOOHOOO!”

CLICK

” – achieve financial independence starting today with the patented Wealth Junkie method, you’ll be a millionaire in less than five minutes. Because these days, who has the patience to get rich quick?”

CLICK

” – there’s the snap…the defense brings the blitz…Magnavox drops back, looks left, fires way downfield…it’s caught for a first down! What a pass! Once again, the Magnavox 37” LCD 720p HDTV is leading an incredible comeback!”

“Absolutely, Steve. And what makes this so amazing is that he doesn’t even have any arms – ”

CLICK

“And if anyone here knows any reason these two should not be married, speak now or forever hold your – ”

“Stop the wedding! I can’t let you do this, Sheila! I know you love me, and only me!”

“Magnavox! What are you doing here?”

“I – I couldn’t stay away…Sheila, just look into my 37”, 1366×768 LCD and tell me you don’t love me. If you can, I’ll leave you alone – ”

CLICK

” – fighting for the little guy against the clowns in Washington by passing the Circus Reform Act of 2006. This November, there’s only one hi-def choice at the ballot box, for you, for your family, for America. I’m the Magnavox 37” LCD 720p HDTV, and I approve – ”

CLICK

Warranty: 90 Day Philips

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

People just can't seem to stop talking about Woot, on accounta we're so terrific and everything. Here's what they said this week.

• The Dallas Morning News takes you inside the Cellar of Stabbing for an in-depth look at how woots make it to Woot. (Or don't, in this case.) Thanks, DaMN!
• We already told you how a Woot screenshot popped up in the Fox News review of Google's new Chrome browser. Thanks to intrepid wooter SColburn, we now know that cnet also used Woot as an example in one of their pieces on Chrome. Who says Woot isn't good-looking enough to be a supermodel?
• A Consumerist piece on Hurricane Gustav's impact on Woot sales prompted us to do our own, more detailed analysis. The unsurprising conclusion: The Consumerist knows what it's talking about.
• We are honored to be part of the awesome graphic on this page. Oh, and to be one of these bloggers' favorite sites.
• That same cnet writer slips in another Woot/Chrome connection.
• Blogger Anton Olsen tawt he taw a Woot ball.
• Now here's one enthusiastic Woot fan. You may want to turn down the volume on your computer.
• The bigfoot-chasers at Quatch Watch take notice of our Sasquatch shirt.
• What happens when Woot tees meet in the wild? Nothing much, really.
• Finally, our stabs at pre-convention political humor found at least a couple of fans.

As always, huge thanks to every single writer, blogger, and LiveJournaler linked to above. And if you've seen us somewhere unexpected, by all means, share the link.